


Springs Eternal

by DivineVarod



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Loss, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 18:40:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6765418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineVarod/pseuds/DivineVarod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events in "Hope" Lister realises he is in love with Rimmer. He now faces a battle against the alternative version of himself Rimmer lived with in his dream reality. (Follow up to Hope, but can be read as a stand-alone.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Springs Eternal

**Author's Note:**

> Background: In “Hope” Rimmer was transported mentally to a different reality by a magical rose. In that reality the Hologram lived a life of love and happiness with a dream version of Lister for ten years in a village called “New Earth”. They also had an adopted daughter called Hope, whom was Rimmer's pride and joy. Then one day everything is gone as Rimmer wakes up on Starbug.

It wasn't easy. Six months after he event Rimmer would still occasionally slip up. He'd drowsily wake up Lister, telling him they'd be late for class, annoy Kryten by making breakfast, infuriate the Cat by putting out a bowl of dogfood or break Lister's heart by crying out for Hope in his sleep. After an episode like that the Scouser would often have to spent a long time comforting the devastated Hologram.

Then there would be times when Rimmer would go completely quiet, staring into space for hours. All three of them had learned not to disturb him during those moments.

The only good thing that had come of it was that Lister and Rimmer had become closer. After Rimmer had blurted out his love for him and later described their life in the reality he'd been in he stirred something in Lister that had been dormant for too long. He realised he might love the Hologram too and would have loved to lived with him in that dream world.

A few days after Rimmer's return, Lister had found him in the Observation Dome. Rimmer looked so lost that Lister scooped him into his arns and had kissed him for the first time. The Hologram had been taken aback, certain Lister was only doing it out of pity. Lister patiently tried to assure Rimmer of his good intentions and gently tried to make him see it was love, not pity he felt for him. After some time Rimmer told him he was willing to give it a try. But only if they took it slow. Lister understood and decided he could live with that.

Lovers now for several months Lister still felt that something kept them apart.They talked, kissed, cuddled but something was off. It was as if there was always someone between them. Deep down inside he knew who it was: Himself.

He felt as if he was constantly competing with the Lister Rimmer had created in his dream reality: the homely croissant buying teacher. It was bizarre having to compete with himself – again.  
When asked Rimmer swore it was just his daughter and the village he missed, but Lister couldn't help but wonder if he missed that dream Lister too.

The Scouser wondered how much irony his life could take before the ship would explode or how many versions of themselves could be enough to drive them insane.

Slowly and patiently Lister broke down the walls between him and Rimmer, doing his best to woo the man he now realised he loved. It took a lot, but it worked: Rimmer begun to accept Lister was genuine returned his love and started to let go of that other world.

\---

Sadly all Lister's effort proved wasted when a few weeks into their relationship Kryten ambled in cheerfully to tell Rimmer he'd finally succeeded in tracing the Rosa Desiderare's origins. The plant that had created Rimmer's dream reality had traces of Rosa Intoxica and male and female despair squid mixed with Jellyfish of desire. It could create a whole lifetime of happiness in under five minutes, then leave it's victim devastated and traumatised when returning them abruptly to their original timeline. Then Kryten said something that Lister would never forgive him for. He told Rimmer that he believed the reality Rimmer had been in could still be out there somewhere, as every dream and hallucination causes new realities to be formed.  
Lister could kill Kryten, giving Rimmer hope like that. He had been trying to make the Hologram accept it was all a dream, to settle him and make him come to terms with his loss.  
Now Rimmer believed “his” reality might exist after all and his daughter was out there somewhere thinking daddy had died all his attention became fixated on finding her.

Rimmer was a father separated from his child. Lister knew that pain, he understood. He had lost his children and the pain never truly went away. The only comfort he had was that he understood the reason he'd had to let them go. He had been able to say his goodbyes and knew where they were. Rimmer had nothing: he'd just been torn away from it all.

\---

Night after night Rimmer would slip out of bed, go to the drive room and punch in code after endless code hoping to find the right one. Almost every day Lister would find him slumped over the console after falling asleep from complete exhaustion. Each time Lister had Kryten carry the worn out Hologram to his bed so he'd at-least get a few hours of “normal sleep”.  
He tried to deal with it, help Rimmer through it all, he'd promised him the day it happened. But he knew things could not go on like this: both of them were hurting too much.

In a desperate attempt to help Rimmer, Lister sent out a distress signal to contact Ace Rimmer, hoping he might be able to locate the reality created around Rimmer. After a few failed attempts Lister managed to reach Arnold's adventurer counterpart.

The Space Hero had tears in his eyes when Lister finished his story, then sighed and said: “I'm so sorry Skipper. That's the worse thing that could happen to any Rimmer, especially yours as he was one of the most damaged I came across. I will do what I can, but sadly I don't hold out much hope.” He paused to look at Lister's sad face and smiled gently. “That Lister was you, you have to understand that. Whatever else you may feel, Davy Boy, you can be certain that your Arny loves you very much. Look at whom he built his fantasy around.”

The conversation ended and Lister considered Ace's words. It was only then that he realised that most of Rimmer's dream had also been his dream right down to the sheep, cow and horses. He'd never realised that this fantasy meant so much to Rimmer. But still; that version, that Lister, could he really be like that? A guy that cuddled in front of the telly all night, that taught at a school who made Rimmer soup when he wasn't well? Was that him? He could not relate to that version. But if Rimmer had seen him like that, maybe he was, or could be.

\---

One night a very pale Arnold entered the bunkroom. Wiping his red eyes he crawled into bed next to Lister. “I've decided to stop looking, Listy.” the Hologram said softly. “I'm hurting both of us with my search and it's impossible. I could punch in codes for the rest of time and still never reach that dimension and all this time I'd miss out on time with a person who is real, warm and accepting of my obsession, even though I know it must have been hard for you.”  
Lister wrapped up the Hologram in his arms, Rimmer sunk into the embrace and rested his head against the Scouser's chest.  
“Arnold.” Lister whispered. “I don't want you to stop searching for my sake. I only want you to give up if you feel you're certain you're ready to give up. Okay? You're exhausted now. Rest a few days and see how you feeling then.”  
Rimmer nodded slowly. “Thank you Listy. You're so wise just like my Da … well, you (!) were there.”  
A pang of sadness went through Lister: “MY Dave!” that's what Rimmer had almost said. He couldn't bare hearing that again, not from the man he spent most of his life with. Not from the man he only now realised he loved more than anything. Reminding himself of what Ace had told him he bit his lip to stop the tears from coming and said nothing as the Hologram fell into a restless sleep in his arms.

The weeks went by and the event was rarely mentioned again. Whenever it did come up, Rimmer valiantly tried to reassure Lister that he had gotten over it, that he was happy with him wherever they were. But every morning, for a brief second, Lister would see a flicker of disappointment in his eyes when he woke up and realised where he was. He knew that look well, he had seen it every day in Kochanski. She, at-least, had some sort of chance to return to “her” dimension and “her” Dave one day. Rimmer had no choice but to settle where he was, to settle with him. And that was what was eating Lister up inside: he did not want to be the man Rimmer settled for: he wanted to be the man Rimmer wanted.


End file.
